I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said:
"Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favour."
"Yes?"
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar,
"and I'm waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when he arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'? I want to impress him..."
"Sure."
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of
minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi, Ray," he said.
I replied, "F**k off, Gates, I'm in a meeting."
* A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman:
"I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen".
The surprised salesman replies:
"But, madam, computers do not have curtains"!!!...
And the blonde said:
"Helloooo....??! I've got Windows"!!!
* Two couples were playing cards one evening.
John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them, he noticed that Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear!
Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Sue followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that indeed he did.
She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial (as well as the moral) implication of this offer, John indicates that he is indeed interested.
Sue tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2pm Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the planned time at 2pm sharp and after paying her the agreed amount, they went to the bedroom and closed their sexual transaction as Sue had promised.
Afterwards, John quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm and upon entering the house, asks his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?”
With a lump in her throat, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?”
In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering up her best poker face, she replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500".
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did.
John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
* The 3 tragedies in a man's life:
1- Life sucks
2- Job sucks
3- Wife does NOT!
* A man is dying of cancer. His son: "Dad why you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS??"
Answer: "so that when I die, no one will dare to f.... your mother."
* "I am your Doctor. Sorry to inform you that you have a brain problem. Your brain is in 2 parts... Left and right. The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in it"
* Question: "Why is a waist called a waist?"
Answer: "because anything above the p..... and below the tits is a waste"
* A lady tells her Man: "I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table". The man climbs into bed slowly and says: "Honey, would you please pass me the vag**a?"
* Question: "what's the similarity between a good-looking, faithful, rich husband who satisfies his wife sexually every night and Bin Laden?"
"BOTH CAN NOT BE FOUND"
* Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage as they finally realised with wisdom that for 60 grams of sausage, it is not worth buying the whole pig!
* A girl says to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
* Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with? Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!
* A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body? He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of humour.
* Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.
* A woman standing nude looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband: "I look horrible, fat and ugly...can you please pay me a compliment?" The husband replies... “Your eyesight's spot on"
* Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
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